An Allergy Rant

David is allergic to:
wheat (flour, couscous, spelt, etc.), dairy (milk, butter), eggs, barley, rye, nuts (peanuts and tree nuts), sunflower seeds, fur and feathered animals (all of them, yes, all of them, including your *insert your favorite animal that has fur or feathers here*), and we are avoiding fish and shellfish in the hopes that he will not develop that allergy.
But really, unless you are dealing with this, you have NO idea. I know some people are sympathetic, and I appreciate it, I really do, but sometimes I just want to strangle someone.
Last night I went out to play Mah Jongg at another spouse's house. The hostess gave me a little glare when she asked me where David was and I said that I had gotten a babysitter. Maybe I offended her. Other spouses had brought their children. I prefer to get a babysitter if I'm planning on being out past 8pm, David's bedtime, because he really likes his sleep and his routine and I like adult conversation without having to keep at least one eye on him. It doesn't have anything to do with his allergies... usually...
But let me tell you. That house was David's hell. I'm allergic to cats, not allergic like David is allergic. David's allergies can cause him to go into anaphylaxis, stop breathing, and die. I'm just get itchy and sneezy. Within 30 minutes to being in the house I was itching and congested and all of us had cat hair on our clothing. It was all over the table when we started playing. I just don't think that's sanitary, but that's a different rant.
Then this woman's three year old starts wandering around the house with a bucket full of PEANUTS and is trying to feed them to all the other children, including a child under 1 year of age. The woman's solution? Tell her daughter to go back to the kitchen with the peanuts. A solution that is not really obeyed and continued to be an issue throughout the night.
Seriously, that house would have sent my son to the ER. David's been around cats and I eat peanut butter but I don't hold a bucket of shelled peanuts under his nose. I can't even guess how long he would have been there before getting sick.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm being too sensitive. I think that I expect too much from people. And people are ignorant (obviously because this woman had two of the most common allergens loose in her home while hosting a party). I wonder what my house would be like if David didn't have these allergies. I'm sure that food would be down at his level more often (that's one of the biggest problems we have when we go out. Someone sets out a big bowl of nacho cheese Doritos and goldfish crackers on the child level coffee table and tells them all to dig in. Even if I keep David away from the table, I then have to isolated him from the other children until the eating has stopped and then I have to check the floor and pick up what was dropped. David ate approx. 5 goldfish crackers last April and 2 hours later was covered in hives and was wheezing, even after anti-histamine medication.)
The spell check on this website doesn't even recognize anaphylaxis has a properly spelled word.
So, anyway, I wonder if I'm expecting too much. But part of me says no. I don't ask people to de-allergize (like my new word?) their home for David. Keep all the food products you want. Have fun with your animals. David loves them. I'm prepared.
But politeness people, seriously. When did it become necessary and acceptable for children to walk around all day everyday everywhere they go with food in their hands? Um, great way to cause childhood obesity and bad food habits anyone? Children run around with bags of processed chemical sugared snacks while they should be exploring the world around them. Seriously, even the indoor playground is dangerous for David because other children eat and go up and down ladders and slides at the same time, dropping food everywhere. Don't even bring allergies into the mix, just politeness. Is it polite to have your child make a mess on a public structure? What are you teaching your child? David is being taught to eat and drink sitting down at a table. Tonight I gave him a sippy cup to drink while watching TV and he went back to the table to sit in a chair to drink it, so it's not like it's impossible. When you are at someone else's home do you give your child food and just let them eat while playing, letting them make a mess of someone else's living room? Why the multi-tasking while eating? And most of these children have homemaker mothers. Women, are you so lazy, so sick of raising your children, that you would teach them at the age of 2 to solve their boredom with food?
Cat hair everywhere and a 3 year old with a bucket of peanuts. I couldn't dream this kind of crap up.
The worst part is when we are told, seriously, told by someone who we are friends with that they don't invite us to events at their house because it's too hard for them to worry about David. The worst is when we didn't even know that events are even happening and to appease their guilt they tell us so that we can tell them it's okay. No, it's better that you don't invite us. How kind of you to think of my son and not invite us. What am I suppose to say to that?
I know it's a catch-22. Here I am complaining about going out and also about not being invited. But I know there's a balance somewhere in the middle. There's got to be a community of people somewhere in the world who don't constantly let their children run around with food in their hands. I do try so hard to accommodate David's needs without people having to be put out or even acknowledge his difference. I bring his own food...everywhere. I keep cereal and spam, soymilk and dried fruit in my diaper bag at all times. I bring his own toys so when other children are making the existing toys impossible for David to use (the residue from their endless eating gets on the toy, David then plays with the same toy, his hand gets on the residue, hand goes in the mouth...wa la... allergic reaction) he has something available to him. When we are going to a large gathering, a holiday, a birthday party or celebration I've learned to eat before David and I go. That way I don't have to stop and eat at the party, I can spent the entire party watching David. That's all I do sometimes. Other people look and see children playing and all I see are Doritos everywhere and I sit and make elaborate plans of attack so that David can eat or David can play too. More often than not lately I just bring enough food for all the children expected at the gathering and ask the parents if they can eat that instead of whatever they brought so that David can play too.
It wouldn't be so hard if Chris was home and we could go together. Then we could tag-team, switch off watching David and having fun. But right now I'm exhausted. It's all on me to protect our son from a world that is constantly minutes away from killing him. So if I'm out without my son please don't make me feel bad for not bringing him. I want to have fun too and ignore the Doritos all over the floor.